I remember last year, spirit said many times that in 2012 “much will be asked of you.” (all of us, not just me.) I think so many of us have been in such a lull for the last few years, we looked forward to being asked to do anything. I know I was excited!
I have been excited every day this year. Everything gets fuller, richer, and there is so much more to understand now. But I don’t feel any longer that is what spirit was really staying… the universe is so tricky!!
Yesterday as I wrote my blog, I could feel everything has changed….again! I am finding, inside of me, these changes are no longer subtle, but intense and directive. Truthfully, I am only doing about half of what is asked of me. We really do have free will, free choice…
Do I fully live all that I share and understand… hell no. I really do have one foot planted in worry and the other in the energetic heaven being reveled. My choice. For close to a week now the “Guardians” have wanted to give a message, a direct channel on the Shambhala site, I don’t follow thru mostly because every time they start direct communication they talk about “me” in 3rd person. I don’t like that. My choice was not to ask why… truthfully, I already knew… just don’t put it in my face (smile.)
I also choose not to share a lot of the communication that was coming thru my sharing yesterday. Personally, that chick with on foot in the field of worry… has no desire to be responsible for learning how to plant flower heads. I see that energy I refer to as Shambhala as the most sacred, loving thing I have ever had the pure privileged to view and feel and even understand. To share is one thing… to put my shovel in the dirt and break ground… not so ready for that.
Seems the field has free will and choice’s too.
The moment I picked up my phone to dial my first appointment yesterday, my cell signal went away. I rebooted everything and it did not return. 30 minutes later… still no cell. Dammit. This time, I felt it was purposely keeping me from making a phone call. I felt my bathtub calling my name. I sent an email to my first two clients and ran a bath. I sure as hell didn’t except what I got!!
My meditation opened with me standing in the field… I was just standing there facing the Mesa Cliff. I suddenly seen my rock man (smile) moving out of the base of the Cliff.
I had seen this man shortly after I arrived here in this new space I call Home. He emerged as if he walked straight out of the rock formation of the Cliff, when I asked about my own Divine Counterpart. He might as well have been chiseled from the rock… Native no doubt. His face and body so beautiful. He has shoulder length wavy hair that enhances his chiseled facial features. Until yesterday, he has never crossed the river (which is about 90 feet from the Mesa Cliff).
I seen him come out of the Cliff in all his chiseled beauty, just as he crossed the river, for the slightest instant he turned into the fire lion then back into his human image. Maybe he needed his lion body to jump the river (tho it is shallow enough to walk across, barely ankle deep.)
The closer he got to me, the clearer his face got as well. He is just so beautiful. I guess my own mind went on a little tangent… he looks so young… maybe 30′s? I do not have cougar blood in me (grin)… but man I could sure change my mind for this yummy peice of rock man! His body was as chiseled as his face… my body, well I sit on my ass for a living… and it looks it!
Funny the deep running processes within ourselves that we do not ever pay attention to… until we do.
He came running up to me standing there still as a statue… when I realized, I was asleep! He put his hands on each of my arms and started shaking the hell outta me… saying, over and over again… “wake up, wake up.” Am I sleeping?
He said that just because your aware of something does not mean you are awake within it. Huh?
I tried to change my meditation… and to a degree it worked. The moment I let my guard down (yeah, we have free will in meditation too… but so does our team) I was right back to being shaken awake by my rock man!
With his face now in mine, there was something so vaguely familiar about the cut of his face… even the flow of his hair. I asked him his name, he replied Jorge (hor-hay.)
OMG, now I remember!! He looks almost identical to my first boyfriend who happened to be named George! My god the flood of memories came rushing thru… I dated George from age 14 thru 17. We broke up because he started to talk marriage, I ran off to the Navy. Love. Blah!
George was my first experience with being loved. Even tho he was 16 when we met, and so tall and handsome… I was 14 and fluffy… he allowed me thru our 2 and a half year relationship to vent every piece of anger I ever stored up inside of me about love. I beat the shit out of him. I am sure he still carries bite marks from my anger. He was an amazing aspect of my life. Of course, like most anything, you don’t really appreciate it until you throw it in the garbage.
So rockman… what are you doing looking like a my George and even using the spanish name of george? My George was a Leo too… that lion energy.
What the hell…………..?
Jorge told me that a farmer gets to know it’s soil before it every goes to planting. I must spend my time today (yesterday) outside in the field, getting to know it. ….I never said I wanted to farm! But I suppose, by virtue of living here and reading here… it is simply my (our) next step.
I agreed. What else could I do? Besides my meditation was now haunting me. How dare I even attempt to help anyone if I am still sleeping.
Aware is not awake.
Of course I still had no cell signal when I got out of the bath. I sent an email to my two appointments, explaining what just happened and I knew when I came back out of the field, I would have a cell signal… which I did. What I didn’t have was use of my brains… again!
I went outside, eyes wide open. Looking… feeling…
The field was more alive than I have ever experienced before. Aware. Fibrous, loving. I could feel it as I moved. I walked very slowly, taking in everything. It was as if I seen the backyard for the first time. I suppose, thanks to Jorge, I was.
I started to see these threads of energy… soft pink and blue… everywhere. I walked to the river, as I got to the clearing, I swear my heart would burst open from seeing the Mesa Cliff. I sat down on the tree stump I carried to the river’s edge shortly after I moved in… so I can sit and be.
The whispy pink and blue energy was everywhere… in the clouds, on and in the Cliff… it looked so real. It was all in gentle movement… like wispy threads of energy… soft, gentle… present.
I noticed that the red clay sediment left an interesting silvery pattern in the water since I last came to have a sit. The pattern was exactly the same pattern of the clouds the very first day I came here to “look.” I took a picture of the clouds that day… they took my breath away and sealed in my “yes” I will move here with no money choice.
As I stared at the familiar pattern I kept hearing “as above, so below.” I thought of the dimensions we are now bearing witness too… the relevance in the patterns.
As I sat in a state of Being I have never felt before… in body, not in body… I heard the river ask me to go get my camera. Really?
The day was overcast due to snow clouds in the sky. Without the suns energy in the river, I could not get a good picture of the formation under water… I suppose there is something about having a camera and being asked to take pictures that makes a person much more aware of what they are seeing.
In my slumber (smile)… I take the landscape for granted.
I noticed there earth was cracked as if it had been dehydrated for a long time… yet, it was also wet. I thought of the lady’s reading who was standing in the south point the earth cracked, dry, gray (ours is red) and then the water from the golden ball of energy being gently released…
Just above the cracked earth, I had seen soil that had all these tiny little impressions… as if pressed down to put a seed into it.
All I could feel thru all of this, was being spun whole into the threads of the pink and blue energy. My movement was as if on a cloud of energy… flowing… feeling…. absorbing.
It seemed everything wanted it’s photo taken… and it was as if I had seen everything for the very first time. As I walked from the river back towards the house there are these trees… They caught my heart the first time I sat outside. A crow showed up, made its caw in the air and then circled around these tree’s long enough for me to notice the importance. When I acknowledge them.., the crow flew away.
At the foot of theese tree’s are also where the “reflecting pool” is located.
As I walked over the little hill to the backyard, the sun was shining thru the tree’s in a way that once again, took my breath away. There was magic happening. I took a picture.
When I uploaded this picture onto my computer, I could see this blue ball of energy at the base of the tree to the left. There are no rocks there, nothing but tree limbs and old leaves. I zoomed into the orb and I could make out a face. Eyes in the blue ball of energy.
I cropped, enlarged by 400%, then added light…. I hope I don’t loose resolution in the upload here… I did sharing it on facebook.
Aware is not awake.
Those words haunted me all day, as did Jorge shaking the ba-jesus outta me telling me to wake up. I never felt alseep… but I was! Maybe even still am today. I’ll let you know (smile.)
I started to realize something yesterday as well. Something I know has been happening with intensity since moving into this field of energy… but it became vividly clear to me what was happening within myself yesterday.
I personally don’t like doing drugs, not even… no especially weed. I never liked the way it makes me feel. My brains slip into a non-functioning process that I cannot even hold a coherent conversation… external listening becomes my greatest challenge when stoned. To talk or try and communicate at all, is a forced agenda… it feels so unnatural to me. And the freakin crickets in my ears. I hate the buzz… the ringing sound that happens when I get stoned. The last time I choose to smoke weed I was about 19 years old… and did simply to be cool with my friends.
I fully realized that whatever is taking place inside of me thru the readings, or a super conscious walk in the field… has the same exact affect as smoking weed! Minus any paranoia (smile.)
I did a little research last night on THC and the effects of the brain. It affects the neurotransmitters. Yup… so does drinking this light!!!
But, the difference is, it is not for escaping… but for processing. Changing. But… it really kicks my day in the ass. If I don’t get to emails before my first reading… there is nothing left of me to work with after my last reading.
I truly feel most days, like I am coming a part at the seems. I suppose I am. Good thing there is thread out in the field to be sewn back together with (smile.)
All day long, in my deep inner processing… I pondered the sleeping and my first love George…
This morning… I get it. Looking into the eyes of Pure, Unconditional Love and it beckons to you… to work, play and consummate this union… Can I run please?
It is so much easier to watch a TV show… than to be the charactor in the show. Aware of what is happening… but not awake in the role of having to Be that charactor.
Of course, this TV show is a love story. A trust story. An intimate story.
With any relationship there is responsibility. A merging into the full union. At the end of my day… I don’t feel worthy. Not that I don’t deserve this, god knows.. I do… WE ALL DO!
Who Am I (we) if we don’t have something to worry about… to struggle with. I sleep soundly in my worry and perceived struggles… even in reflecting the language of light back outwards… I worry I taint any part with any of my own bais… and so, with this worry… the Guardians have to refer to me in the 3rd person… that aspect of me that still sleeps.
To grow this garden we must be fully the garden itself. Clear. Integrated. Ready.
The farmer, the seed, the City of Light are All One. And I will close this post with a question asked of me last year… for it is really asked of all of us:
Would you let it all go if you knew you could have it all?
Let the planting begin!
With love of pink and blue threads fo shambhala ((((HUGZ))))
Are you ready?