My honest belief is that life should be about loving, learning, and helping. I learned my philosophy about two years ago in gen. ed. classes at madison college. One of the hardest classes ive ever taken in my life taught me some very serious lessons: How to “step back,” calm my thoughts for analysis and research, slowing down my thought process in order to write a cohesive sentence, coming up with a subject, and thesis statements.. Probably one of the most powerful lessons I learned from my teacher Bird was how to analyze. In analysis I found a lot of truth about other people, and it showed through my writing habits. Unfortunately, at first, I was absolutely terrible at staying on subject, while also keeping the crowd amused, interested, and not confused over the subject material.
Frustration. That’s what I felt a lot in the class because sometimes I didn’t understand what Bird was talking about, even though it was very simple subject material. I let my emotions get in the way of my writing, and you could see it. Even though I followed the proper guidelines for writing, my grammar, my sentences were so scattered and full of different bull, my teacher couldn’t keep up. The students who criticized my papers could not understand some of the material I had to offer. It was easy for me to understand at first, but when I looked at the sentence more closely… yeah, the material was really scattered and made no sense. I was embarrassed. Afterward, I tried my hardest to slow down, analyze, and keep on topic. Then, I realized how powerful writing can be. Writing, and learning, I realized how powerful it could make me, and from that point on I wanted my future to involve loving, learning, and helping.
I see some of the most powerful comparisons between my writing style and myself. The funny thing is: I may not be the perfect writer, but I am pretty damn good. Now, with my advanced training in literature and the art of writing, I see many powerful victories over what was probably the biggest challenge for me, ever. I never expected to become good at writing, and at the end of my formal training in English 2, I impressed the teacher with my material so much, she was actually looking forward to reading my report on ethnic violence in Kenya, and personally told me this in front of several other students. I will never forget what Bird taught me. She helped me to stand on my own two feet, by pushing me out of my comfort zone with literature. My life mentor was a teacher in an English class at a second hand college in Madison.. I will never forget how much patience she had with me, and how much knowledge she had to offer. She changed my life.
The reason why I say this is because I feel that ive grasped onto my philosophy now, because of the enrichment that I received. Please do not get me wrong, the enrichment was certainly not all within my classes at school. Some was presented at school. I believe that the enrichment came recently, and in droves. My knowledge is the focus of power inside of me, and stemming out of my knowledge I found the purest form of encouragement. The encouragement that I found was through meditation. Through my own eyes, I saw a white shade crossing from my left view to my right view. While in my “crystal palace” I looked into my own eyes again, and found a never ending river of forgiveness. In the past, I have had to forgive countless amounts of times, and for things that others might consider unforgivable. I believe that the white was telling me to forgive myself, and take comfort in my own “calm.”
This gave me a lot of encouragement. The encouragement that I found led me to want to expel the hatred, anger, inside of me right away. Ok, so… hold on a second before you start worrying. I believe that the anger inside of me is boiling up because of all the good underneath. I felt that if I got rid of the anger, the good would show through. So, I made the decision to enter meditation. I knew that I would have to take myself to a place where I could focus my thoughts in a pure way, where no anger, or resentment could reach me. I saw a river, and near the river, flower petals fell from .. somewhere. I walked along the river, and in my own time, I followed my guide to a mass of floating water, where I slowly ascended to the moon. There, I found an urn. Within the urn, anger, hatred.. darkness. I remember reaching into the urn and pulling out one nugget of smoky darkness. Putting it up to the stars, I lifted up my “tool” and saw the most beautiful clear diamond.. and when I took the tool away, it was no longer darkness. I took the urn from its place on the moon, and returned to my timeline, where I placed the urn on an altar. The altar formed a lever, where I put the jewel, snapped the lever in half.. Then, a chain came out of nowhere, and I felt the need to cut. So I did. I felt a celebration..
I firmly believe that I can take from that urn of hatred, and turn all the bad memories into something that will help me move on. I found within myself a very powerful forgiveness, and finally realized the good. I will have to be patient with the anger. But, I trust in myself now, because I have the control! Ive got the power to forgive all the anger in the world in my soul. That is me, not the anger.