Today, my adventure in Virginia comes to an end. I will be heading back to New Mexico later today. This has been the biggest, most intense emotional roller coaster of my recent life! After I got the elephant off of my heart yesterday, it is amazing how much beauty and perfection you can see in all that has transpired. All of life is always, constantly conspiring to bring us each to our greatest expression possible. Most especially when it appears that in an instant, everything has turned to shit!
As most of you know, I am in Virginia to support my 29 year old son as he embarks on a court battle for custody of his 2 year old son. One can initially say, as I did, court went as bad as it could have gone for him. He lost all custody for 6 months and must travel from Virginia to Massachusetts (a 14 hour car ride one way) to see his son at all and must be completely supervised at every moment. He completely caused this outcome himself and takes full responsibility for it. Self sabotage has been an ongoing theme in his life and now, in these most intense times on earth, he must face and change this aspect of himself. How many of us are equally dealing with this scenario as well? It is clearly obvious that I Am too!
These days are not asking us to be the very best Self that we have been created to be, it is down right demanding it. At least for those who have a big role in these times. Of course, not everyone is going thru such intense Self scrutiny, those folks simply came in to be supporting actors on this stage of life. It is those who has allowed themselves the full responsibility within that much responsibility to the greater All is being demanded. My son does not play the blame game, has not in a very long time.
I have watched as the collective universe stripped my son bare when he found out he was going to be a father. Every negative, fear-filled emotion that laid dormant at the bottom of his barrel spewed up and out of him during the first 3 months of pregnancy. It was hell for all involved, but a much-needed hell he had to go thru and we loved him enough to hug him thru it, when he let us hug him!
And then something switched. After releasing every toxic fear within himself, the love of a son soon to be, started to replace the toxins. He started to change for the positive in every conceivable way. I watched as the strength and perseverance of his will, his divine will, came flowing out into his life. A transformation I feel absolutely blessed to have witnessed (and continue to witness) along the way. For the last two years he changed and enhanced every aspect of his life. Not always willingly, but he made sure (prior to birth) there was a damn good catalyst/antagonist in his life to ensure his continued inner growth. That is the baby’s mama.
There is no greater growth than looking at the mirror of all the things you no longer want to be and his baby’s mama holds that mirror steady even today. Think of the beauty and not to mention the inner torment that precious soul bears. To come into life to say, I will not grow or evolve so that you can. I will hold the mirror of all the negative aspects up to your face for as long as it is needed to assure your full growth in this life. That is the ultimate sacrifice of Love!
I have asked my son many times over the last 3 years, how could you attract into your life a clone of my own mother? Well, today I see it so clearly and bless it more than I ever have before.
After court and what appeared to be devastating news to my son, his attorney advised me to make arrangements immediately to move back into the home with my son and daughter, in preparation for the next and final court hearing in October. Huh? Hey, why does my life have to return to hell because of unwise choices in his personal life? Dammit!! Of course I said I would. Until I woke up the next morning.
I could not sleep that night thinking of leaving my beloved Mesa, the guardians, my landlady… My life, my soul, is truly in heaven there. Of course, doing 3 days of readings here showed me that I can easily bring the fullness of energy that is the Mesa, here to VA. But living in Virginia again… blah! I started to realize as I woke up from a 3 hour nights sleep, it wasn’t returning to Virginia that was eating at me, it was the feeling of being last in my sons life, complete abandonment that transpired (and even continued to as I am here) during the last year. The unresolved feelings laying at the bottom of my barrel were hanging out now at the corners of my eyes. I had to go talk to him. God, I love my son so much!! We talked, he listened and did not blame at all or even get reactive. He understood and shared what was going thru him at the time(s) and I understood. The water cleared. I went and took a much needed nap.
There is something precious about sleep… when I woke up, I was equally clear. I would do whatever it takes to help him thru this time. I started to reflect on my own journey to this very moment in time. So many times one could say my own actions in my life should have created a complete abandonment of the only parents I have ever known… spirit, but they always stood by my side thru really non-life enhancing choices to the greatest of choices. Spirit stood on the sideline when needed and got really interactive when needed. I realized I could make no other choice but to come back to Virginia and travel this road with my son and my grandson. I obviously have a lot to learn about myself thru this major transition in my sons life. He has always been my greatest teacher and we are in for one hellofa lesson these next 6 months.
When something appears to not go your way in life, we have a choice to be reactive or reflective, which of course builds an incredibly karmic chest of energy for this next phase of our life’s journey. The moment he came out of the courtroom, he became very reflective and has remained in that state with a calm, centered, self-reflective focus.
His personal choice to put something into bis body system to help him not feel the pain of what is transpiring created the greatest pain he has ever known. It was so clear that the universe itself said Chris you have leaped high buildings, traveled treacherous roads to get to here… there is one last thing to do and we are forcing your hand! He came home and talked about why these last, lingering choices are still there. The pain deep inside that it can and does mask over. You can not possibly be the highest vibration you were created to be if you are constantly squishing your vibration down with things… things even as simple and legal as alcohol, casual sex (these were my personal choices/uses to hide my pain) and anything designed for “avoidance” stunts your vibratory growth.
I do want to say as well, DO NOT devalue the entirety of all the changes you have gone thru because there was one last thing that popped up in your face to deal with. Quite the opposite, take the time to celebrate the challenge, the intense vibrational change this (whatever this is) will create not only in your life, but in all life everywhere. I am so madly in-love with my son and the proudest mother on earth!!
I cannot tell you how grateful I am for this sudden and unexpected turn of events in our lives. Change is always for the better. Like I keep telling him, we don’t have to like the change upon us, but there is a greater story unfolding. We are going to create the sugar to go into the lemon juice currently puckering for full exposure within our life… together!! Ahhh the power of the Alchemist!
As I fell asleep last evening, I thought very much about synergy. I thought about how incredibly powerful it is when it is in full use. I got a small glimpse when my landlady came to take notes for her sisters Hands of Light massage/reading session. My own energy field soared simply by her presence and collapsed when she left the house. My son is my energetic equal and lives life with a passion and purpose just like I do.
Together, we will climb this mountain and release whatever is left in our family barrel that keeps us sabotaging our greatest expression in life. My magnetic theme has been family for the last two weeks, to make any other choice during these intense karmic enhancing (or depleting) times would not only sabotage myself and my blood family, but my entire family of Light.
I so look forward to arriving back in New Mexico this evening and working towards the next adventure of life for all of us!!
Thank you so much for your love, support and strength, you fill my life and my heart…All-Ways!
Lisa Gawlas www.mysoulcenter.com/energy_readings.html