Uploaded on p 1 July 2012 by jelaila9.
As many of you know who have been following my weekly messages, I’ve shared much of my personal journey with you. One of the things I’ve spoken of most recently is the reunion with family. I pursued what I once felt was a fruitless endeavor because I was told years ago that one of the final tests of our ability to ascend would be reuniting with our respective earth family. I had registered their statement, filing it in the back of my mind as I continued my work. Each time that statement surfaced, I’d quickly do a mental status check and decided I still had plenty of time to work on family later.
My father’s death in March 2009, was the proverbial alarm going off; it was now time to make family a priority. Losing the one man in my life who loved me no matter what really put me into an emotional tailspin. For the first time in my life I truly felt alone….and that’s something coming from me. I have been alone a lot in my life but rarely felt lonely. That feeling was the one thing that propelled me to begin the work. I wanted family in order to not feel that I was alone in the world. I now needed my 5 brothers to step in a fill the void that my dad had left…
Okay, so I’m going to reveal something else about my dear family. We have what we call a family curse in that we have 2 forms of depression that run through our family lines. One form, major depression is more likely to lead to suicide because the pain becomes physical. The other form is a type of bi-polar disorder. It makes the people who live with that person want to kill them because the sufferer goes thorugh cycles of manic highs and lows. Their rage can off the charts and the stress can lead family members to develop Post Traumatic Stress.
We didn’t discover this family curse until my little brother, Keith took his life (suffered from the first form) almost a year ago. (Two of my other other brothers have the manic form.) That 357 Magnum not only shattered his handsome skull, it shattered the shell of ignorance and obliviousness that our family had been living in for over 50 years. Okay, now that that is out, I’ll move on.
Our family had been disconnected for many years. All six of us kids lived in different parts of the country. As I wrote in previous messages, time, distance, and religious differences keep us separated. Now that was all supposed to end. (I secretly wondered if the Guides had made a terrible mistake about the family test).
So, I began the journey to reunite with my family propelled by the need for a sense of belonging triggered by my father’s passing. Fortunately my oldest brother was all for it. With my father dead, he was now the head of our family and took his role very seriously. Over the next 2+ years he and I worked diligently to bring us all back together. Weekly phone calls, family emails, photos posted in Photobucket and yearly family reunions were part of the plan. About this time last year we felt we were really making progress–then came that fateful phone call from Keith…and everything exploded.
My little brother is now at peace, but the mounting frustration over my family has left me engulfed in a never-ending sea of disappointment and pain. My brothers and I had finally achieved our goal of reunion as we stood together at Keith’s funeral. Unfortunately that bond did not not. Shortly after, my brother Tim blindsided me with an act that left me feeling as though I had been shot in the heart. At about the same time, another brother, one with the bi-polar form of depression, spiraled out of control and announced he was again leaving (left previously for 6 years) the family. So much for family unity. Moving on….
I noticed when doing my mid-month accounting that income had plummeted in the last 3 months. I asked my guides to help me see what I was doing to cause this. The answer came quickly.
Sitting on my deck that evening, I realized that I was not seeing the reality of my family situation anymore. I was still trying to get my brothers to include me, to value me as Dad did and it wasn’t going to happen. This need to be included and valued by them was a core issue. It was the pain I felt when I watched my brothers playing while I stood on the sidelines.
Referencing the “Energy Account” analogy they have once given me, I realized I was spending an inordinate amount of energy on trying to keep my family together..and include and value me, when it was no longer necessary. More energy was going out than coming in and it had continued long enough to siphon off loads of energy that could have been used to support new money coming in. Thus, the “flow” had dwindled to a few drips. I further realized that Tim’s painful behavior was actually a gift in disguise because it had hurt me enough to make me finally let go.
The relief I felt that evening was palpable as a huge weight of pain, longing and neediness lifted from my shoulders. I feel so free! I could feel my Inner Child smiling because now her mom was finally valuing her enough to stop an age old pattern and trying to get others to value her instead of realizing she already was valuable. At the same time I recognized that the reason Tim had been so cruel to me when we were kids was that I was constantly pulling on him to include me. No one likes a needy person pulling on them. Using the Formula of Compassion, I released Tim from having to play that role for me anymore.
Less than 48 hours later the money began flowing and it has not stopped. New doors of opportunity have also opened and I can take advantage of them because I have the energy in reserve (it takes energy in reserve to support new money and opportunities). Yes, letting go can get the money to flow again…we just have to recognize what to let go of…and hope that someone who loves us will play the dark role to show us the way.In service,