John Ward – On The Money – 6 November 2012

An occasional column keeping a weather eye on the Prime Minister’s Privilege Extension National Invocation Service (PENIS)

New research shows that directors of firms in the FTSE Top 100 made an average of £4m a year, and their pay increases averaged 27%. No research at all suggests that any of those firms grew by 27% in the same period.

There is now £150bn in the UK’s local government pension funds. This is serving to provide a feather bed going forward for some 3.6million bureaucrats. At any given time, it will be bankrolling retirees at the running rate of £45,000 per person per year.

Current NHS data suggest that negligence costs in the service are running at £15 billion per year, and inflating in value at around 25% per annum. Over 35% of this sum goes direct to lawyers in fees. The total cost is around 16% of the new NHS budget.

Dear Mr Cameron

I read with interest your promise at the last Party Conference to extend privilege to everyone.

In the light of these figures, I should like to apply for a position as a FTSE100 fat cat, local government officer, or medical claims legal consultant.

Yours pessimistically

The Slog.

PS Could you tell us all please why, given its limited importance to Britain, we were at the forefront of hurrying along the Arab Spring’s arrival in Libya?

No? Oh well, I’ll just have to put the word about on your behalf, given that FOI requests only evoke the usual bollocks.

Stand by for further bulletins.

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