This part I am including here was never part of the book I started writing. Yet, spirit has been on me for the last two days to sit and write about this part of the journey and the importance it plays within our unified hearts. I am not going try to lay this out in book form, I am just going to share.
The Chemical Changes Within Our Bodies As We Fall In Love
In 2006 a new man entered my life that was going to change everything I knew about, well, everything.
I was in the last month or so of massage school and preparing to make my way into a whole new field of spiritual endeavors. I had already been doing psychic readings as a professional for three years. When I entered massage school, reading took on a whole new twist.
I could see so much more thru the connection of the body, and the very act of massaging seemed to release packets upon packets of information from the client into my awareness. Fortunately, my classmates were really excited and I was never without a nightly volunteer to practice both massage and my new emerging skill of reading the body’s cellular energy as well as the DNA energy. Of course, it would be a while before I really understood what I had stumbled into. But again, that is not needed for this book.
I knew I was going to be a spiritual massage therapist and I needed to get the word out that I was about to open shop. I created a booklet type magazine called Conscious Living on my computer, printed off about 50 copies and started putting them out in spiritual establishments, like the Edgar Cayce A.R.E. Center.
For a humble little magazine, it was actually well received One day I received a phone call from a man who said he worked with the prison center and wanted to talk to me about distributing this magazine in the prison. I agreed to a meeting to discuss this very exciting, yet troubling possibility. I was printing these off of my printer, a challenge at best.
Our first meeting lasted 4-5 hours. He was like a breath of fresh air in my world. We sat and talked about spiritual things for the entire time. He had been on his path for well over years and understood and expanded so much of the things I had understood.
This was the first time I had a real conversation about something that had become part of my lifeblood outside of the internet. I was in heavenly bliss. We never did get to the prison and my magazine conversation, so we agreed to meet again in a few days. We ended up meeting a few times a week for the next several weeks, sharing. We never ran out of conversation and started to go from formal conversation to personal.
The days he was not coming over to talk, we were on the telephone talking and sometimes, for hours. I started to pay attention to my body’s reaction every time we were together. My energy field was changing.
The first thing I noticed about myself was my external energy field. The moment he would sit down next to me, it expanded with so much light and so much inner feeling, I was actually taken by surprise. The next thing to happen within me was watching from the inside out, a whole new flow of chemicals spilling out of the glands within my brain, washing over my entire network of energy in my brain with amazing feelings thru it all.
I watched as these chemicals rode the neural pathways to my heart. Ohh my god, I am falling in love. Not only am I falling in love, I am witnessing the entire process from the inside out! This is soooooo exciting!!!
Our time together was extraordinary, our core basis was our spiritual journey and sharing together. It expanded me, literally, in so many ways, on so many levels. He was getting hit with the chemical changes in his body too. We grew closer. He was a spiritual adventurist that actually communicated, I was in bliss.
We started doing experiments together. I would go into my bathtub meditations and send him messages. Sometimes he knew about the ongoing experiments, sometimes not at all. He always seemed to receive… something. I would go into my bath before talking to him in the morning and send him out my phone number, wouldn’t ya know the phone would ring shortly there after.
Our conversations turned sexual. We had been together now about 2 months, we never even so much as kissed, yet, the field of aliveness was everywhere. We talked about spiritual energy, kundalini energy, conjoined energy, sometimes I would take him for a wild ride in my meditations. Every single thing was opening up codes like sky rockets bursting in the air. I even mentioned to him that every time we talk we went straight to the gutter (talking about sex,) every time we talked anymore. My spiritual team was quick to change the frequency of the words I just uttered. They said “you go to the Holy gutter.”
We have, as a society, been so conditioned that innate sexual energy and desires are dirty. Something you should not talk freely about or encourage within another. And spirit says play, explore, have fun… this is Holy!!
Something became vividly aware within me the more I spent time with this man, there was a lot missing. This is not the first time I had been in love, at all. But it was the first time I was in love like this. I had absolutely no jealousy involved in my feelings for him. I had no void within myself, no insecurities at all when I was not talking or spending time with him. There was absolutely no negative energy at all, within me, in this in-love state of Being. This was very weird and well, just surprising.
Frank (this mans name) became the greatest, most surprising mirror in my life. I had changed.
Most people, when they fall in love, they give away their own love energy and devour whomever they are in a relationship with’s energy field. We usually start a relationship (usually unconsciously) feeling like we are missing some part of ourselves and seek outside of ourselves for that completion .. in a relationship.
As we develop into a loving relationship, we start to identify our energy with that other person, feeling lonely when they are not around (because they now have your energy) or insecure that they may be looking at someone else.
This was always the core foundation of my prior relationships. But not with Frank. I had to ask my spiritual team for understanding. What changed?
Well… the gift that keeps on giving. My odyssey with Marc had more nuggets encrusted within the relationship (was it even a relationship??) than I ever took time to notice.
Every negative thing I had deep inside of me, always came flowing up to the surface during the two years we spent together (on the internet.) Of course, he never knew any of this, it was my friend, that triad part of this whirl wind, that helped me understand the sludge always being dredged to the top of my surface by Marc. And he did nothing, really, except breath.
Every thing that came up, I had to take into the bath. The insecurities, the jealousy, the longing, it all went into the bath with me. My spiritual team helped me see why it was so intense and release it.
Sometimes, well, often times those deep insecurities were so plentiful I would spend the whole day in the bath… dealing.
All this by a man who never even really talked to me. We are powerful Beings indeed!!
I was absolutely, wholly in love with Frank and I was so excited, as was my energy field. And then, the shoe dropped. We had spent months in heavenly bliss (mostly in my bathtub meditations) when I found out Frank is married.
We still hadn’t had sex yet, so that was good (at least in my over processing mind.)
I was still shocked I was jealous at all. But what do I do with this now? When I asked Frank why he never mentioned this really important aspect about himself, he said he did the day we first met. Maybe I did, as he said, hear only what I wanted to hear when he said “I had been in a long term relationship.” and my mind heard past tense. Just for the record, long term meant… 30 plus years!!
Keep in mind, at this stage of my own evolution I knew nothing about the words “sacred sex” or even “Shambhala” or all the wonderful, magical things I understand now. I was still working out my own kinks. A married man has always been a flipping kink in my life’s journey!!
I was still picking the Catholic out of my energy field and societies view of right and wrong and trying to honor my own energy. I was so confused. Bath time!!
After I got one bitching to my team for even daring to let me get all tangled up with a married man, what do I do with this? Their reply… “Do no harm.” What the hell does that mean?? Do no harm, to me? To him? To her? Define harm. Silence.
So I told Frank exactly the information that my team gave to me in our dilemma. I was so grateful that Frank and I had such an open and (for the most part) honest communication together. We talked for hours on end about this “Do no harm” statement from my team.
I decided the best way to remove harm is at least tell his wife of over 3 decades he is involved with another woman and allow her to be consciously involved in the process.
I was oddly struck within myself by something that became perfectly clear. I did not want him to leave his wife, at all. That truth really shocked me. I was so ok with his complacent love for her. (Where the hell was my jealousy, I should be having a melt down by now… all i want to do is make sure no one is harmed, per my spiritual team!)
By this time, I had already graduated from massage school and had a growing client base of daily massages to do. I was equally growing my ability to connect to a persons entire field of energy and hear, and see, and understand so much.
I also realized I cannot do a massage without doing a reading for that person too. Kinda shocking to the person laying on my table and I am telling them their most intimate details without barely knowing their name.
I also realized there is a tremendous variation in the field of energy. Not all energy is the same and learning how to harness particular streams of energy thru the palms of my hands into my client, released various degrees of cellular but also DNA energy into my awareness.
I was also realizing vividly that these streams of energy thru a massage, can rock a clients world like nothing else!! They would get off my table, dazed and confused, drunk really.
I started to play with the energies to see what exactly we can do with them. Holy kundalini batman!! I got really sensitive to a clients energy field and I could feel and see the emerging kundalini fire within their inner body. This was sooo kewl!!
I had a great idea!! I can really see and explore Frank via my massage table. He wanted help knowing what was the right and best thing to do as did I. Massage was the key!!
Boy oh boy… was it ever the key. But not to the answer we both sought, we were going to take this energy union to a whole new level of feeling and expansion… at least within me!!
(To be continued…smile)