Life, in all its beautiful glory is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows, great times and sad times, great adventures and misadventures. We have come here for that very reason! To fully experience pleasure in the realm of pain. We also tend to look at it as punishment and reward, since we are knee-deep in duality. To grow completely into our higher awareness, our higher Self, we absolutely need the contrast.
I think we lose sight of all that as we curl up in the comfort of the words “spiritual path.” That suddenly, because we have awoken to a greater reality means bye-bye hardships, intense learning lessons. From my own personal experience, I found it to be quite the opposite. The lessons get tougher much more challenging .. giving me (us) a chance to choose differently (from the higher mind) thru whatever is presented.
I will never forget the day me and my then 11-year-old daughter landed in the homeless shelter. It was December 19th, 2001. One year and one month after I began this”spiritual path.” I felt absolutely punished… completely abandoned by my “team.” I remember sitting and crying and screaming to my team “I did everything you asked me to do and yet, here we are, completely abandoned by you.” I even told my team to fuck off and I am done. I was pissed. This was the first time I went on “spiritual strike” lol, meaning I stopped meditating for a whole flipping week (an eternity in those days.) It was my daughter who helped me to see our “lot in life” differently. She showed me how we were taken care of, a roof over our head, three meals a day and a Christmas provided by the charity of others.
It also gave me the chance to see “homelessness” in a completely different light. Both the strong women and children who pass thru that avenue and the systems designed to help and tend to help themselves first.
But it equally allowed me to shed another layer of the identities I had within me, the illusion I had of life.
Back then, being an infant on this path, I did everything I could do to change our lot in life. We were heading to the homeless shelter three months before we arrived. I used the voice of authority within, the pure frustration of not wanting to experience that, to create an alternate path. Meaning, I found us another place to live without having to go to the homeless shelter. Spirit will always honor our desires, no matter how much we have at stake thru our inner demands.
This side trip to an alternate place to live, stripped my daughter of everything thing she had left in the world (the folks were staying with stole them all.) It was not her that needed this experience, but for me to fully realize the consequences of our actions. Avoidance verses allowance.
Thru that experience, I learned to value the allowing of my path, no matter what it may appear like to my mind.
I have stayed in that state of “allowing” ever since, to outcomes that felt very much like burning my skin off. Thru it, I learned the value of completely releasing my ego will and living the will of Soul all-ways. These are the times we are in the biggest, most intense growth spurts of our lives… if we allow it to be that.
But, we humans, we really don’t like the “hardships” this path creates and avoid them so we do not feel the discomfort of change. Until the avoidance becomes worse than the original hardship could have ever been!!
Take this journey with cancer I have unexpectedly went on. It has taught me more about the combination of spiritual medicine and western medicine like nothing else ever could have and the absolute partnership with this heavenly thing I call my body.
We have a lot of delusional we bring to the table we call our spiritual journey. Spirit medicine= good. Western medicine = bad. NOT!!! Over leaning one way or the other can be catastrophic .. think… Steve Jobs. He had one of the most treatable forms of pancreatic cancer and choose to do nothing except holistic medicine until he was past the point of no return. (My geneticist told me this/his story)
If we can really understand that there are as many incompetent ”spiritual practitioners” as there are incompetent doctors out there… we may take a broader look at the whole picture. Virbationally, one is not really better than the other…. just different. Your own body is the very best gauge of what is best for it… for as long as you stay out of your head!!
The moment I heard my pathology report and how dire my thingie on my back was, I was in instant choice. What to do… and how? The moment my oncologist suggested a wide local incision as a way of completely removing any remaining cancer from that site (since the cancer sells extended all the way thru the entire area of the biopsy) my body sang the hallelujah chorus instantly. Sign me up!! I don’t give a shit about any scarring (my Docs concern) I want to Live cancer free, thank you very much!!
Granted, I could have spent time in my tub doing all I know how to release this from my body spiritually… but why take the long route when I have a quick one in front of me!! I have zero bias with western medicine, it really does have tremendous value.
Then, after my follow-up with all my original tests and scans and pathology reports, I realized the gift my body gave to me. Granted I had one lymph node in my body that took the brunt of my cancer drainage into its Being. The tumor within that one lymph node was viewable without a microscope, and yet, not one other lymph node beyond that one had any trace of cancer cells, even under a microscope. Even today, the love and sacrifice of that one lymph node within me, brings tears to my heart. The guardian of my entire body system. That is unconditional love.
When I had my appointment with my clinical trials doctor last month he had said to me, the only reason they highly suggest the clinical trails (chemo) is because my original tumor was ulcerated. He told me the choice was completely up to me and they would honor that choice in ever way. In that moment, I could feel my body say… don’t poison me because of fear. I opted out of the trails. I also opted out of giving any more energy to my cancer journey.
Until last week.
I am at my three-month check up point. My clinical trials doctor suggested many other tests (papa, mammogram colonoscopy, CT scan, more blood work…) me and my body said… why not!! I will allow anything my body is willing to participate in.
Of course, I have the choice to simply trust and go on about my life. But it is that very mindset that got me into a stage IIIc cancer lesson. I am no longer complacently willing to believe that I will not have a lesson to learn thru something like cancer. (Trust me, I was absolutely and completely shocked with the malignant melanoma diagnosis on every level!!) I also fully understand too… the acceleration of the energy that I live within, also allowed the acceleration of growth of that thingie on my back. Life is not biased at all… only we humans are!! I had the ability to have that thingie on my back checked in February and my own complacency took me to October and only due to the rapid change and growth that happened last year.
Knowing what to act or to allow… vital!! Thank God for my compassionate lymph node that sacrificed itself for the good of the whole body!!
So, as March and all the tests started to roll closer, I could feel the stress within me building. My first thought was, this is insane, I cannot imagine enduring this every three months for the next three years. So I sat down with google and started to really understand the importance of an “ulcerated melanoma. ” I spent many hours reading other peoples melanoma cancer journey. I never felt so incredibly blessed in all my life. So many people have incredible pain from their wide local incisions… I had none. But also, many people were given the all clear during their initial staging after all the tests and wide incisions only to have cancer pop up all over the place 3 months to a year down the road. I connected to one ladies journey in particular. I read her 2 year history with her journey and my heart broke for her. She too had her melanoma for two years due to no insurance. Hers, however, was on her chest and ulcerated. After her wide incision, she didn’t have a single lymph node test positive for any cancer cells. Several months later, she felt a lump under the skin in her arm… she ended up with tumors in so many places, legs, arms, lungs and eventually even a tumor on her brain.
Thru all of her sharings on that cancer site I could feel the fear, the desperation of getting into clinical trials. It wasn’t until the very next morning did I fully understand the intensiveness of her ongoing journey.
Spirit uses sooo many avenues to get a message to us that hits home. When I logged into facebook the next morning, the very first thing I see was a posting by my sister Hope:
Holy shit!! Straight in my face and gotta give out a huge AMEN!! Thanx sis!!
I went into meditation and asked my team about all this ulceration and stuff… (within me) My team simply told me, the energies being what they are, if you hold a strong worry within yourself, you are creating that instantly. Alrighty then… I got that!! Deeply.
As I got out of the bath and pondered about this precious lady who’s written journey I became a part of, I asked my team, can we use the energy to heal her tumors. They said no. They told me her path is hers to walk and learn from and I cannot take anyones lessons from them without making them mine.
She never once reflected within herself as to why she brought all this into her Being and until she does that… well…
It really comes down to balancing both the spiritual world and its medicine (which, if you ask me, the only true spiritual pill that will work is meditation with deep inner understanding, everything else is a placebo that makes yourself feel better about it all) with the wonders of western medicine.
I truly and deeply allow my life’s journey to Be what it needs to Be without inflicting my ego will upon its course. The whole reason I am doing this particular sharing today is because of some questions via facebook yesterday about allowing and changing the course by applied action.
I trust my own body 200% and if there is any aspect of Life that it needs to teach me, I am a willing student that I pray will create a wiser teacher. But equally, when I know I have learned the lesson, I will absolutely apply the action to change the course. I am fully and always in the driver’s seat of my life. You are too!!
This all brings me to the sharing from several days ago… AWARENESS IS KEY. We can have all the spiritual skills/spiritual powers developed and harnessed, but if we are not fully AWARE of what is really happening… we may be stepping on our own foot or creating bigger lessons down the road that you really didn’t have to endure.
I know I can so sound like a broken record, but here it goes again… Meditation is your true place of power!! I learned how to read my body and its communication system from the inside out. It is, after all, my LIFE partner.
I hope this sharing has helped.
I love you so much!!
Lisa Gawlas http://www.mysoulcenter.com/energy_readings.html