“Roop’s abserlidely devstairded,” said insider Waylene Belcher, “Ah meen, roit, who’s gonna karate-chop all them fackun dingos who wanna kill ‘im naar?”
But those higher up in the News International Mob were closer to the action. This afternoon Slog stringers penetrated the loins of Murdoch’s Empire of Evil to unearth the real secret of Don Murdocone.
“The problem is,” said anonymous Sydney source Chips Bruschetta, “Roop is torn as to which nationalidy ter marry next. It’s a toughie, because roit naar the only shower lookin bonza are the feckin Krauts, an’ if there’s one thing the Boss hates more than whingein’ Poms it’s feckin Krauts.”
But there was some degree of comfort from former employee Michael Gove, who told journalists that he was “sure Mr Murdoch – this fine man who has done so much to enrich global culture via his unique Page Three anatomy lessons spanning four decades – will find the right partner in his quest for world domination. Actually, my money is on Argentina’s Cristina Elisabet Fernández de Kirchner, for if nothing else he might be able to bail them out and then start a fully justified campaign for Argentina to claim possession of Wembley Stadium”.
When asked to comment, former Camerlot insider Oliver Letwin said, “Hahahahahahahaha”.