We’ve gotten to the end of this Quest and the beginning of the rest of your days. How you feel about yourself in them will, in no small way, determine how much love you experience as a tangible force.
There are places you’ll go that are brimming with love. You may meet someone and “fall” in love, have a child and for a time be immersed in the pure energy of newborn love or begin a project you are passionate about and find yourself swimming in the juices of creative love. Each of these situations is temporary. You’ll move through them and wake up one day on the other side, with only you to look forward to. Then what?
It’ll be important then to pull out all the stops you’ve typically put on self-love and allow it to continue to flow unrestricted. We talked about them this week, the dark stuff and the “when I am this” stuff. These reasons you carry in your head. The ones preventing Agape cannot reach your heart.
You can try to put them there, to tell yourself how unworthy you are or how (fill in the blank) you are, but your heart will have none of it. Your heart cannot lie and it cannot be fooled. The reason you feel so bad whenever you are judging either yourself or a feeling of love you have for another, is because there is a lie in what your head is telling you, and your heart knows it. Love can’t lie. It only knows how to love.
This week we pulled out all the ugly and loved anyway. If it didn’t feel good it’s because your head is still trying to run the show and tell your heart what to feel. It won’t work; you cannot change your heart. It only knows love.
Allow yourself to be loved. You’ve opened the door to Agape, now let it in. Stand there, warts and all, and demand full acceptance. This may feel like a radical act. It’s the only one you have left. The dirty laundry is hanging on the clothes line in full view. The neighbors have all seen it. Nothing is hidden. Keep standing.
What you will discover is parts of you which you’ve been unaware of. You see you can’t cover just the “bad” and “unacceptable” parts without also hiding the rest. You are full out now and available for complete emergence into your life. There is much more to you than you know. Let it come out.
As you feel safe, as the judgment leaves, there will be room left for love. You will start to feel okay not just momentarily, but in all of your moments. That okay feeling, if allowed to grow without inhibition, will one day turn into full out adoration.
This is the secret very young humans have. What’s pumping through their veins is only love. Their heads have not yet tried to convince them they are wrong. That joy and freedom in their play and the exuberance in their eyes is what lies beneath the cover of judgment and self loathing you carry. Today, leave the cover off and watch yourself rise. You are enough, and all that you “need” to “find” true love.
My son calls today “Singles Awareness Day”; a perfect day to complete our Quest. It’s not someone else you are looking for anyway. It’s you. There are no conditions that make you unlovable, no parts of you unworthy. The treasure revealed when you toss off self hatred is one you have never seen. It has been hidden so well, even you were blind to its brilliance.
Go ahead, take a peak. Imagine today is your last chance to win the Joy Prize for the rest of your days. Only one more thing to do and it’s all yours. It’s so close you can almost see it. All you have to do is let go. Whatever “reason” you have, and you know them all cold, must be left behind. The only thing capable of accepting Agape is already yours.
Your heart feels Agape. It’s been telling you for years. With every good feeling you’ve ever had about someone or something, no matter who or what, its beating self-love. None of this was ever wrong.
So leave your head out of it. It will try to convince you otherwise. There is nothing wrong with you and as you accept all your parts, the rest of you will join the party. You cannot partially love or put conditions on Agape. It’s either full acceptance or some degree of discomfort – you’ll have to choose.
Whether “single” or one part of a “couple”, you are alone in this. When all is said and done, it comes down to one thing. The self-acceptance you allow is equivalent to the love you feel, regardless of its “source”. It starts and ends with you. The rest of us? We are just some other fun parts, the ride is yours alone.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. It’s been an honor.