Let us give thanks this morning for the idealism of one man, Mr Nigel Farage, leader of UKip, the United Kingdom
Integration with the Conservative Party
After all, where would we be without a finely art-directed snap of a pub boor, standing at the base of the White Cliffs of Dover, offering the poor from Romania to Rwanda a new cliff-escalator into our Sceptred Isle entirely free of charge thanks to creative use of UKip funds? Mr Farage is, be in any doubt, the very chap we need to rein in the lunatics in the Conservative Party, and thus bring Britain to its senses.
But in a flagrant act of typical political bias, the Observer today published a poll suggesting that most people think UKip attracts racist candidates, and has many racist members. Pollster Ida Mandano commented, “The image of UKip seems to us to be based on news stories about racist remarks and candidates being suspended for being racist cropping up several times per hour”. And in a further attempt to blacken UKip, the BBC yesterday reported that the UKIP council candidate Harry Perry who tweeted that Islam is “evil” and homosexuality an “abomination” had been suspended for being racist, following another UKIP candidate who resigned last week after making racist tweets about black comedian Lenny Henry.
Later, the BBC reported that a Conservative council candidate had resigned from the party, having apologised for posting anti-Islamic tweets. The BBC was immediately attacked by Grant Shapps, who tweeted that cynical Communist paedophiles at the BBC were trying to apply a touch of the tar brush to the Tory Party, and in no way could calling Lenny Henry a black bastard be compared to the harmless suggestion that all Muslims rape their women three times a night with matinees on Saturday. Mr Shapps, who suffers from mathematical dyslexia, has been given special needs rights to use as many characters on twitter as he wants by a Mr Grant Shapps, the Chairman of the Business Friendly Conservative Party.
Meanwhile, PC Flybutton Bluebird of the Dover Constabulary tweeted to remind all parents to explain to their children the dangers of accepting lifts up cliff-escalators from oddly grinning strangers. PC Bluebird is one of the thousands of UK officers able to spend their beat on the tweet, allowed as they now are to ignore 20% of all crime. The new tweeting policy (dubbed tweet warnings about crime, tweet for help on crime committed while we were tweeting) is aimed at 100% of all twitter users. Mark Williams-Thomas has been tweeting nonstop about the dangers of replying to tweets from paedophiles masquerading as police officers given that Twitter is a private medium in which inaudible slander is commonplace.