In an unexpected development this morning, the European Central Bank announced that 15% of bankers had been rendered insane by the stress of trying to pass the stress test. This means that 100% of eurobankers are now completely bonkers.
No German or French banks were listed as potential failures during a credit crunch, which immediately destroyed the test’s credibility from the kick-off. But some 10% of Italian Banks failed the test on the grounds of having no forward gears, while a further 15% were disqualified for honking horns and pinching bottoms.
German banks did extremely well, especially Deutsche – which ended its examination paper with the words “You have relatives in Germany and we know where they live”.
Spanish banks on the whole passed with flying colours by pointing out that they were already empty and so the only way was up. Andalucia and Catalonia banks said the word ‘tits’ was missing from Spain’s report, but both missed the reporting deadline as they were too busy preparing to secede from Spain.