John Ward – Telegraph In No-News Drama – 23 December 2014

In the meantime, this is one of just two new items this morning:


The other ‘new’ content is an ‘opinion’ piece by one of Fleet Street’s most prolific airheads, Bryony Gordon – telling us that Christmas has become insufferably smug. Given this view of Christmas is about as new as Noah’s Ark, it seems a crime to call it ‘new’; but the ironic part really is that our Bryony holds the world record for insufferable, bubble-dwelling smugness in under 2000 words..

Anyway, it’s a slow news day, and in reality the reason is very simple: put all the bankers, leaders, military, media clowns and fraudsters back with their families (and Christmas shopping) and nothing bad happens. I would’ve thought there’s a lesson in that for all of us. As in, you know, no mad people = good/ mad people back = more bad stuff happens.

One of the most alarming things about Christmas shopping is that, just when you think it’s safe to put your feet up, something vitally important needs to be bought. Or to be more precise, 17 different things. So instead of just going to pick up the Capon this morning, it seems we also ‘need’ muesli, bananas, eggs, peppermint tea, and ‘proper’ coffee. It’s obviously me. I’m just insufferably, extra-bubble austere.

Meanwhile back at the news, the engagement of hacks in insufferable, financially incontinent Christmas shopping has gone global. Every Google ‘news’ page has the hours since filing at an average hovering around 14 hours, which means that it isn’t really news any more. However, 10 hours ago, USA Today ran a piece about the dropping oil price headlined ‘Nobody saw it coming’. I shall be contesting that view in a later Slogpost: but it does go to show that news can be replaced by both non-news and wrong news.

My best solution to the dilemma would be to run this front page:

Dtelfrpagept / link to original article

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